Hidden post #7
Originally written: 10/16/2013
I can almost taste it. My freedom slowly being regained. As excited as I am about the prospect of being able to write openly again, a part of me is also torn I must admit.
When I am finally restored to where I was before all this began, there will be a lot to face, a lot of questions asked and to answer. Some of which I still won’t be able to fully answer and probably never will be able to because of the nature of who I was dealing with during this silent battle. That will be hard.
Harder still, is I admit I am afraid of the reception I will get when I come back. I was silenced and shut down right after making a public attempt to establish a local support system here for families while also sharing about the calendar Autism awareness project. And then, with no warning and no explanation, I was forced to drop completely silent. Can’t return messages, can’t offer encouragement or support, can’t answer questions or even post simple notes or updates… How do I make something like that up to the new families that had just joined us?
Then there is the whole issue with DogForDavid and our fundraising efforts. Those issues still haven’t been resolved meaning I can’t continue trying to help bring home a service dog for my son yet. The restrictions that are being set in place to replace the complete ban also are set up in such a way that leaves me helpless to do much unless I can get people to make just straight donations to Perfect Fit Canines instead of through fundraisers or I am able to find some volunteers to step up here locally for permanent positions which has always been a challenge here even with one time jobs and temporary positions. And on top of that, I am finding myself having to face discussions about if I should even be going forward with the fundraising at all due to what it’s doing to my health and the time it’s forcing me to take away from my family when an event is coming up.
True, the work was hard and the returns were usually quite small, but we were getting there…
True, I have many times fought the urge to give up and throw in the towel, but my son really does need the service dog, and Perfect Fit Canines has been truly very good to us and so caring and patient throughout this journey. It seems wrong to just allow it all to be cast aside and come to nothing. 😦
And the local awareness events… what about them? True, I was met with a lot of strong opposition from various places, but one by one, I was making a difference where it counted. With individual people, families, and community members.
With my mom moved away though, my boys getting bigger and needing more attention from me as medical issues continue to pop up, and my health not getting any better, I have to admit the points that some are trying to make with me are valid ones. Still, I am not a quitter; especially when I see something so important at the finish line waiting for me… challenging me to reach out and take it and to not give up until I can.
At this point I honestly don’t know what the future holds for me and my family or for DogForDavid and that makes me nervous. Then I remind myself that no one ever truly knows their future about anything anyway and the one thing I do know for sure is that God is looking out for me and my family and that someway, somehow He will make sure everything works out for the best. Even if it doesn’t work out like I am hoping or want it to…
Either way though, I promise I will still write. I will still blog, post on facebook, and chat with fellow Autism families and other friends I have been blessed to make along this journey. I will still read and comment as much as my wiggle worms and my energy levels allow as I love following all your stories and adventures too. If there is one thing this experience of being silenced and having my freedoms taken away has taught me, it’s to treasure every word that types across the screen, every moment when the “publish” or “post” buttons get to be pushed, and every comment that my eyes are blessed to see come back from friends, readers, and fellow travelers on this journey of life.
Thank-you all for staying with me on this journey even through my silence. Thank-you for giving me someone to come back to. I truly appreciate you all. Perhaps more now than ever, if that’s even possible. ❤ : )